Musings / My life

Climbing back up again

I know I have to get up again: climb that mountain. Defeat myself: be better today than I was yesterday. This time I have learnt my lesson: I won’t ever take anything for granted, not even the slightest success of this long way I’m having right in front of me.

I will be forever grateful for all the difficulties I have to go through each time I try to pull myself together as these make me who I am, these shape my personality and that’s why I am so strong mentally. I am used to this, being defeated just to have the ultimate opportunity to prove what all I am capable of if I truly believe in myself.

I know this won’t be easy as it never used to be. I’ll regret each and every bit of calories I ate throughout the past few months that resulted in my weight gain. I will go through living hell as I learn over and over again how to master self-control and find inner peace even when I’m literally starving.

The more control I gain back over my body, the more I’m in control over my thoughts and mind. I feel I am entering a state of mind where inner peace defeats temptation and desire. These months are a pilgrimage of my soul as I start to experience a certain type of consciousness of my own existence that cannot be compared to anything I’ve experienced before.

That’s the only reason I’m not afraid: I know I can do it, just this time I have to be humble all the way long and give plenty of time to my body to adapt to the changes that are about to come. I have been through these stages before, but just like a way of learning – I always failed at some point. Different at each time, but still I found it quite frustrating to realize that I was not strong or persistent enough to fully accommodate to my new lifestyle. It’s part of me and part of my lifelong learning: always pushing myself to my limits just to discover new horizons as I travel further from the well-known shore.