The past two weeks were about my back problems: piriformis syndrome that’s what it’s called. Mainly because of my sedentary lifestyle and I guess the lack of sports.

I didn’t go to the gym for almost a week and after a few days I felt my muscles became stiff and not so flexible.

After taking centrally acting muscle relaxant drugs and pain killers for almost a week I slowly realized I needed sport on a daily basis – stretching and a bit of cardio workouts as well.

Today I was not that motivated – after realizing I’ve reached my all-time biggest size, which was kind of shocking for me to see. All my life long I’ve never been this big -except for those times, when I stepped on the scale with my cabin bag in hands, which shouldn’t have exceeded the 20 lbs weight restriction…

So I spent the rest of the day silently grieving over my long lost beach body. In the evening I went for my usual cardio/ stretching workout and realized I enjoyed it a lot. It felt great, it gave me the moment of joy even though I didn’t want to look in the mirror. After the gym I had to do the shopping and since I haven’t eaten all afternoon, I bought nachos, guacamole dip, chips, snack bars and bottled water – I had plenty of beer at home…

After arriving home, I felt the urge to open the nachos, pour some dark beer and watch a movie or two when I suddenly stopped for a moment and understood that was the daily habit I had to get rid of.

Of course I knew it yesterday too, but it felt too good, it was like a tiny cheat, a naughty little thing that stays between us, no one has to know about it and so on. I enjoyed doing things I shouldn’t. But tonight I could resist this. I only drank a glass of protein shake and put all the snacks away.

Today I was strong because I still felt how sad and depressed I was all day long. How frustrated I became as I realized my dreams were further away than ever before and I did literally nothing to change it. My friends, family – they were all silently waiting for me to take the first step.

I took it today by going to the gym. I had no pressure whatsoever so it all felt so good and motivating. Not harsh expectations but a warm feeling that I’m finally ready to get back on track.