I get up early in the morning – or at least early for me. I feel the exhaustion of a long demanding week, it’s Friday but the upcoming weekend won’t give any relief I already know for sure. I look in the mirror; see the small changes I’ve been through, more mentally than physically. My body hasn’t changed much – I could analyze it with analytical precision but I still have to admit these are just minor differences that could also be the result of natural changes in my body stats.
I sit down on the carpet, as if I had all the time in the world to think about my goals and achievements, even though I am absolutely aware of the sheer fact that I will be extremely late from work – just as usual. I smell the coffee I made seconds ago, take a deep breath and drink it as if it was a doubleshot to start my day but I remain peaceful and calm. I can feel the caffeine flowing through my body only with that single purpose to help me come to terms with myself.
As I close my eyes I try to picture myself somewhere back in time when I was satisfied with my body image.
As I scan through my memories, I quickly come to the conclusion that whenever I was satisfied with my look, I was motivated, successful and happy with my life.
My first memory dates back to high school years when I successfully got over my depression and learnt to fight for my dreams and myself. Instead of giving up I did sports on a daily basis, which taught me how to fight for my dreams. I rode my skateboard all the time. I went swimming with my long blade fins in my hand and my skateboard in the other, which truly represented my high school years. I found the beauty in swimming and running as well. I still love running in the dark, chilly and foggy evenings when summer is just a sweet memory and all we have are the cold winter days ahead. This refreshing jogging in the fresh air is all what I need after a difficult day. All the problems I have and cannot solve during the day – are simply gone by the end of my training. During this so-called me time I can come to terms with my actual capacity, goals as I have all the time in the world to carefully plan my next steps accordingly. This is the same truth that lies beneath all my training schedules – to be able to find peace and harmony even in the middle of a snowstorm or a simple cold winter night.