Musings / My life

First day

Today was the first day after such a long time. The first day to finally step on this rough and difficult road to happiness.

I’ve had many ‘first days’ in the past years – so many I couldn’t even count. Some of these lasted for a week, maximum two to three months but rarely longer. The first day is always memorable for me as I find it quite challenging to stick to my plan.

There is an increasing desire to start it tomorrow, not today… I’d never admit that tomorrow is just as difficult as today.

The final motivation was the lack of control. I was shocked to realize that the past week was cheat meal after another. I had cheat meals like a yoghurt in the evenings with no remorse or regret at all. My body was absolutely accustomed to this and it felt normal. Every single day hamburgers and stuff like that can’t be normal – that was the turning point.

When I realized I didn’t only lose control and went off track, I actually lost track: I gave up, didn’t care.

So instead of a delicious dinner I opted for a short cardio workout. This wasn’t the training of the year for sure, but it gave me just enough motivation to keep holding on. At first, I felt I was hungry, I badly needed carbs and eventually this feeling faded away as I had other things to do.

Yesterday I had a big hamburger, French fries and fizzy drink by this time of the day and today my body was more than upset to be fed with a light training instead of the usual high calorie intake.

I hate admitting my mistakes. It makes me feel vulnerable, what’s more weak.

But I must understand this, the very reason I keep losing control as that’s the only way to climb back up again. It’s all about my mind, my decision – it has to be mine. Whenever I start a diet or more precisely, I choose healthy lifestyle it only lasts long if it’s entirely my own decision. I must want it with all my power, and only then might I succeed.

This time I’m ready for it, I know it. I want to stay strong and be proud of myself. Today I took the first step: easily as if it had always been just a step away. Life is like that: step out from your comfort zone to start living your life to the fullest.