I have taken up sports once and for all, which gave me a lot of motivation. Still I’m struggling with back pain. Some days it gets better, the others I’m just trying to find the cure for it.
Yesterday I got up with the desire to get into my best shape ever. Throughout the day this intention slowly changed into a concept and ultimately a crystal-clear devotion to this project.
I get up early in the morning – or at least early for me. I feel the exhaustion of a long demanding week, it’s Friday but the upcoming weekend won’t give any relief I already know for sure. I look in the mirror; see the small changes I’ve been through, more mentally than physically. My body hasn’t changed much – I could analyze it with analytical precision but I still have to admit these are just minor differences that could also be the result of natural changes in my body stats.
I have been collecting my ideas every single day for the past few months and it still feels so difficult to sum it up. Should it be positive and encouraging or realistic with a hint of irony? It all depends on the purpose of my writing. I could share my experience as if it was a journey which is challenging but also difficult with unexpected relapses or an almost impossible fight against my nature and the world.
My biggest question to myself is how I can do sports on a daily basis if all my days are completely and totally different.
I have been like this before – many times to tell the truth. I have plenty of ‘before’ photos I could share, I have analyzed myself a lot in the past four years, recording huge amount of data. I thought that might be the ultimate solution to overcome my struggle with weight problems: recording everything in great details so as to find the truth beneath the surface.
I know I have to get up again: climb that mountain. Defeat myself: be better today than I was yesterday. This time I have learnt my lesson: I won’t ever take anything for granted, not even the slightest success of this long way I’m having right in front of me.
I look in the mirror and I don’t feel any different. The same old me is staring back at me, the same old way with the same expression. I know I failed again and couldn’t succeed my previous goal but I’m used to this feeling. I have been through this a thousand times so far, I stopped counting years ago.